Let Go of Resentment and Let Love In
Dr. Drew from Loveline famously said: “Resentments are like swallowing poison and expecting the other people to die.” Resentment is when a person continues to have upset or anger towards another person or place because of injustice. One of the reasons why letting go of resentments is hard is because it is easier said than done. “Just get over it already”, “let it go”, or “forget about it” are common pieces of advice given to people who are resentful, which may be seen as unhelpful when in the moment.
Letting go of resentment is a process, they are heavy feelings that you may have been carrying around for years. Usually, a deep-rooted emotion shapes and changes how you interact with the world. Don’t expect to be able to let go in a split second, letting go to let love in maybe a long journey, but the destination is completely worth it. Remember the quote when you are on your journey: “Bitterness and resentment only hurt one person, and it’s not the person we’re resenting – it’s us.” You are going on this journey for yourself, and your own healing.
At IdareU2bee.com we have a team that creates programs, activities, workshops, and books that support the social and emotional skill development of kids, parents, guardians, and teachers. One of the biggest things we notice is how much resentment steals away dreams. It may seem you can never turn off your brain from resenting those that wronged you, it can seem impossible to overcome. It is not complicated to minimize the impacts that resentment can have if you allow yourself to discover the power that the emotion of love can have on your mind and your body during those scary moments.
Letting go of resentment helps free us from the heavy emotions we must carry around. When you are free from those heavy emotions it makes you more confident and when you are more confident, you become less attached to what went wrong and can focus more on what could go right. Give yourself permission to accept your emotions for what they are and then critically think through the situation to know you deserve the best so that resentment does not stop you.
Practice the following actions to help you LET GO OF RESENTMENT and LET LOVE WIN!
- Write what part of your life each resentment affects- The point is to focus on the specific ways that the resentment is impacting your identity, and your ability to feel safe, secure, and loved. For example, do you resent an old friend who made you feel inferior? That could have an effect on your self-esteem or confidence.
- Change your perspective- Try to change your interpretations of what happened, clarifying the facts. What actions did the person take? What words did the person speak? What meaning did you attach to those words or actions? Approach healing from a self-reflective and problem-solving space, rather than an emotionally reactive space. This will help bring closure to your resentment.
- Embrace the grudge- To learn something from your resentment, you can’t let it sit within you and take up space. Embrace all of the feelings brought on by the resentment, reflect on the experience and how it makes you feel. The purpose of this is for you to face your resentment head-on and not run from it.
- Switch shoes with the source- Everyone knows the saying to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes, but have you done it with someone you resent? This gives you great insight into where they’re coming from, where they’ve been and why they act the way they do. Compassion, or genuine sympathy for the misfortunes of others, is a key ingredient to forgiveness. When we consider the fact that their behaviour has more to do with their own baggage than with us it changes the way we view interactions with this person.
To train your brain to work through your resentment try our ACTIVITY SHEET BELOW.
Until next time, stay confident, courageous and keep building your KIND MIND!